


Oasis

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Oasis-Verse [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Rey (Star Wars), Age Progression, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Jedi Academy (Star Wars), Baby Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben and Rey Are Technically Related, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Endgame Darkpilot, Eventual Friends to Lovers, Families of Choice, Implied/Referenced Childbirth, In a sense, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Poe Dameron, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Kidfic For A Good Amount, Luke Skywalker Is Not an Asshole, M/M, Mention of Pregnancy In Chapter 7, Mentions of Past Abuse In Chapter 9, No Underage Sex, Nothing Happens Until They’re Both of Age, One-Sided Poe/Zorii, Past Forced Pregnancy Regarding Shmi Skywalker’s Conception of Anakin, Poe Dameron is a Good Friend, Practically A No Burn When They’re Still Kids, Rey Palpatine, Rey Skywalker, Slow Burn, The Force, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron, at times - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23002795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe Dameron’s Force Sensitivity is discovered and he’s trained as a Jedi — and when Ben is brought to the Academy at age six, they form a friendship. The nature of their friendship becomes more as they get older — and as the galaxy threatens to encroach on their safe place in the Academy.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Oasis-Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653151
Kudos: 14





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Yes, this little project’s finally gotten off the ground.

Ben Solo wasn’t going to lie; even stepping off the special shuttle that his uncle had used in order to bring him here, he was already scared. It wasn’t what he liked; somehow, he thought, he should have been able to be tougher — despite being only six years old. That was one of the more humiliating parts of being scared, he thought. It was like everyone could see your weakness. Everyone. 

”I know it’s pretty big, Ben,” Luke said. “And it’s scary too. It’s new...but hopefully, you’ll call it home in time.”

”I want to go _home_ home.” Ben said. 

Luke squeezed his shoulder. “I know. It’s for the best. Your mother was a Jedi once. She’s not anymore, but she’s hoping it can help you.”

Ben nodded. Maybe Uncle Luke was right. Maybe it was for the best. Grown-ups wouldn’t be doing these things if they didn’t somehow think that it would work out in the end, right?

They continued into the Academy, past the others. Ben was aware, in that moment, that the other younglings were staring at him. Like there was something about him that, simply, stood out. 

Ben couldn’t wait to get away from them all. From that feeling, simply, of being scrutinized. 

It was inside that he saw the older kid, a male child with curly black hair, looking not much older than him and levitating a hydrospanner. Ben couldn’t help but look at him; could you really do that? Have that much control over your powers? Luke smiled down at the child even as the latter lowered the hydrospanner. “Poe,” he said, “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

The child — Poe, Ben thought. Unusual name, he couldn’t help but think — got to his feet to look at Ben. “Hi!” he said, brightly. “Are you new here? You look new. I don’t think I’ve seen you before...”

Ben blinked. Of all the things he expected, it wasn’t the matter of this youngling being kind to him. “Hi,” he said shyly, smiling despite himself. “I’m Ben.”

”I know!” Poe said brightly. “Master Skywalker told me about you.”

”All good things, Ben, don’t worry,” Luke said, smiling. “Poe’s been one of my earliest students. The Force is quite strong in him.”

”Is it nice here?” Ben said to Poe. 

”It is,” Poe said. “Most of the Jedi here are nice. I can help you, if you want. Show you everything I know about the Academy.”

Ben smiled despite himself. His earlier trepidation was already melting away, replaced by excitement at finding a new friend, and a Big Kid at that. “I’d like that a lot.”

***

Luke got him situated in his room, and they made a call to Ben’s mother, and Ben’s father. Ben’s mother seemed regretful at sending him there still, though she also seemed relieved that Ben was adjusting well to the Academy so far. Ben’s father seemed unhappy about Ben being sent away, though he was trying to put on a fake smile. Ben could always tell when his father was trying not to break down in front of Ben. Like, somehow, he and Mommy were trying to protect him. Somehow. 

Eventually, Luke and Poe bid Ben goodnight. Poe winked at him, and Ben winked back. He liked Poe. Somehow, the idea of having a friend at the Academy...it wouldn’t be bad having a friend, at least. 

He lay on his side, sighed as he hugged his stuffed tooka. He still missed his parents, Uncle Chewie lifting him on his shoulders, Uncle Lando and his goofy fun. He missed his father’s head pats and his mother’s language lessons. He supposed, in the end, he could get used to the Academy. At least, to Poe. 


	2. Friends and Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets acclimated to the Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: I may have borrowed from Helena L’s Revan backstory for the inciting incident of rivalry between Voe and Ben.

Ben wished he could say that being at the Academy could have avoided the nightmares that usually plagued him. It was something that he had had ever since as long as he could remember. After a more bizarre dream where he was being chased by Jedi texts that seemed to have sprouted legs, Ben’s nightmare shifted. 

There was a battlefield. A battlefield, the sky stained with fire and a wasted, twisted tree seeming accentuated against the redness of it, accentuated with how ghostly and wasted and pale it looked. And a voice, all but a rumble. _“Is the Force not out of balance? Is it not your destiny to bring balance where Anakin Skywalker could not?”_

And then the maniacal laughter. The same, gleeful maniacal laughter that Ben heard time and time again in his nightmares. He snapped awake, gasping for breath, feeling like his screams had been stolen from him. 

Footsteps. Running footsteps. Then a knock on the door. “Ben?” Luke said. “We heard you.”

”You can come in,” Ben mumbled, and the door opened, revealing Luke and Poe — Luke seeming to tower over Poe. Ben knew that he himself was tiny, but Poe seemed especially small for a Big Kid. 

It was enough to make Ben feel a stab of protectiveness for Poe. He’d protect Poe from anything. He really would. 

”You okay?” Poe said softly. “You seemed...scared.”

Ben mumbled, “It’s not important.” He was already embarrassed, showing that he had a nightmare in front of Poe. Somehow, he wanted to impress the older kid, and the idea of Poe thinking of him as somehow uncool or weak or wimpy —

Poe furrowed his brow. “You sure? I heard you screaming.”

”I wasn’t screaming,” Ben grumbled. Already, he was wishing that he could curl up under the sheets and never come out. 

”Ben,” Luke warned. “Poe’s trying to be nice to you.”

Poe smiled faintly. “It’s okay!” he said. He could sound chirpy even when Ben hurt his feelings. “I had nightmares too, when I first came here. Jedi have nightmares too.”

Somehow, Ben felt slightly better. Slightly. Even though he didn’t quite know if Poe would understand. A youngling who seemed to hear the sounds of the galaxy in his head...

”Sorry,” he said. “They just get...bad.”

”You’re not alone, you know,” Poe said. He stepped in. Ben clutched his stuffed tooka to his chest almost protectively even as Poe looked at it. “Is that...”

”My daddy gave it to me,” Ben said. “I know it’s for babies, but...I couldn’t leave it.”

”I have a stuffed pilot.” Poe held out the stuffed replica of an X-wing pilot he’d been, apparently, holding all along. “My mom was a pilot.”

”Yes,” Luke said, smiling fondly. “If I recall correctly, we met when she nearly shot me down in the Battle of Endor.”

”Were you hurt?” Ben said. 

Luke laughed. “I was fine. But Shara Bey...she was a phenomenal pilot. Friends with your mother, actually. And fearless.” A beat, even as Luke became more serious. “Poe came to me when he was eight, after she...passed.”

”You mean she’s not there?” Ben said. He couldn’t picture it, someone just being without a mommy. It was unthinkable, and for someone as nice and cheerful as Poe...

Poe looked more serious now. “Got sick,” he said. 

”Maybe she’s looking out for you!” Ben said. “You know...from the Force.”

”Yeah.” Poe smiled, and Ben felt better to have made Poe feel better, at least. “That’s what I think.” Then, “It’s morning anyway. Maybe I could show you some things? There’s a really cool sunrise...”

***

Luke insisted on supervising them. It was annoying, Ben thought; after all, couldn’t they just catch themselves with the Force if they fell? But it was worth making his way to the top of the Academy just to see the sunrise. “Wow!” Ben said, even taking in the vivid pinks and oranges and yellows that seemed to paint the skies like watercolors. 

”You like it?” Poe said, seeming a bit apprehensive. Ben didn’t know why he would have to be. After all, it was gorgeous. One of the most beautiful views that he had ever seen. 

”Yeah!” Ben said. “It’s beautiful!”

”It’s one of my favorites,” Poe said. Then, “You know, when I get older I wanna be a pilot. Master Skywalker was a pilot during the war. He’s so lucky!”

”Not a very good one,” Luke said lightly. “Ben’s father could beat me any time.”

”I’m sure you’re good,” Poe said. Then, "My mama taught me how to fly, when she was still alive. In her old A-wing.”

”You’re lucky!” Ben said. “My daddy hasn’t taught me yet.”

”When you’re older, Ben,” Luke said, but he softened his words with a smile. Ben supposed he meant well, but it was frustrating sometimes, being a kid and having no one take you seriously. He almost couldn’t wait to be a grown-up. Maybe he’d be cool, like Dad or Uncle Lando, or a good leader, like Mom. Maybe he’d be both. And a powerful Jedi, like Mom or Uncle Luke. 

Ben just wished it wasn’t years away. 

***

Ben went to breakfast after. He had to admit that he couldn’t help but stick with Poe — it was an odd place, even as Poe introduced him to his friend, Jessika Pava. Jess was not that much older than Ben, and Ben found he liked her smile. She and Poe both seemed nice, at least. 

”I can’t believe I’m meeting Master Skywalker’s nephew in person!” Jess said. “You’re lucky."

Ben supposed he was. ”Thanks,” he said. There were times he wondered how he could be as great as either of his parents, or his uncle. When you were following in the shadows of giants...

”No problem,” Jess said. “Master Skywalker’s awesome! I hear he defeated Vader and the Emperor in single combat.”

Ben nodded. His mother didn’t really talk about Vader much. Ben got it. Vader had apparently hurt his mother and sometimes even the memory of him gave her bad dreams, like Ben’s. Ben couldn’t imagine who’d want to hurt someone as nice as his mother. 

But the idea of Uncle Luke taking down Vader and the Emperor — it was enough to make Ben think that at least his mother would be happy to hear it. His father too — his father didn’t talk about what Vader did, but it gave him bad dreams too.

They finished breakfast — Poe having introduced Ben to some of the better dishes — and it was time for training. 

***

Uncle Luke was still putting together the Academy, so the only Master around was him. At least that’s what Poe said. “I bet it’s gonna be really big soon, though,” Poe said. “Like...big!”

Jess smiled even as Poe gestured — as wide as he could — to prove his point. Ben grinned as well. “That would be so cool,” he said. 

”Yeah. Master Skywalker said that the old Jedi weren’t perfect. But they helped people!” Poe said. "They had to have done something right.”

Ben nodded. Somehow, he couldn’t picture the Jedi, the saviors and protectors of the galaxy, as not being perfect. It was like picturing Mom, Dad, Uncle Luke or Uncle Lando as being flawed. He couldn’t see it. 

Uncle Luke got the class — a class of six, including Ben, Poe and Jess — to quiet down. And then he waved a hand, dimming the lights just enough to make the projection of the galactic sky more vivid and visible. “There’s multiple planets out there,” he said. “I doubt anyone’s seen them all...even if I have a feeling that one of you wants to be the first to.”

The other students laughed, and Ben did too. Luke smiled at them. Then, “The galaxy is vast. Every planet, moon, star...there are some notable ones, though.” He waved his hand, allowing the projection to zoom in on a blue dot. “That’s Kef Bir, where the second Death Star landed in the ocean. At least, the debris of it did.”

One of the students crinkled her nose. “That’s stupid!” she said. “I thought the Death Star blew up completely. Like...boom!”

Luke smiled. “It was blasted apart, yes. But space stations, space craft...bits and pieces have landed on other moons and planets. Collateral damage, you could say. When others get caught in a neutral conflict they had nothing to do with.”

”I guess,” the student said. At least, Ben thought, Luke’s answer seemed to appease her. 

”Now,” Luke said, “In this lesson, I’ll be showing you the different planets, moons and stars that populate our galaxy...”

Ben scooted instinctively next to Poe and Jess, feeling safe even as he did so. 

***

It was after learning about different galactic bodies that they learned about lightsaber training as well (much to Ben’s disappointment, no duels were involved), Force training, including meditation (Ben hated meditation, even if he supposed it was necessary), and then there was lunch, then recess. Even as Ben headed out into the courtyard with Poe and Jess, he couldn’t help but marvel at the view. He’d seen nice views before, but this planet...it was beautiful. 

“You like it?” Poe said. The way he sounded, it was like he really did want Ben to be impressed.

”Yeah!” Ben said. “I...didn’t think I like it.” He turned to Poe and Jess. “I like it better when I’m with you both,” he said. “You know?”

“Thanks!” Poe said. 

It was later that one of the younglings, the same one who’d been skeptical of the Death Star crashing into Kef Bir’s oceans, suggested playing Jedi and Sith. Ben supposed it could be fun, even going up against a youngling — probably Ben’s age — with russet reddish brown skin and hair so blond it was almost white. It was, too, just pretending to duel each other and taunt one another like Jedi and Sith would in battle. Until one explosion of Force Push sent the youngling he was “dueling” sprawling...much to the laughter of a couple younglings who were most likely happy it wasn’t them. 

The youngling who Ben accidentally Force pushed glared up at him, tears in her eyes. “You pushed me!” she said.

”It was an accident, I’m sorry!” Ben said. “I can help you — ”

“You’re a horrible freak and I hate you!”

Ben could have sworn it was like she’d kicked him. “I didn’t want to hurt you...”

“Leave him alone!” Poe stalked over in that moment. “He didn’t want that!”

”Shut up, Dameron!” the youngling snapped. 

”Voe, you don’t mean that.” Another youngling, a bald male youngling, walked over. “Come on.”

 _You ought to teach her a lesson,_ the voice from his nightmares rumbled. _No one calls you a freak and gets away with it._

No. He couldn’t. Voe had hurt his feelings, but Ben didn’t want to hurt her. Or anyone. Even as she stormed off, Ben couldn’t help but wonder (as Poe squeezed his shoulder) why his Force powers always had to malfunction in some way. 

“I’m sorry about Voe,” the bald youngling said. “I really am. She’s not usually like this.”

”I guess,” Ben said sullenly. Somehow, it didn’t make Voe’s comment (and somehow, he’d need a way to differentiate her from Poe) hurt any less. It reminded him too much of when his mother and father would have heated arguments about his abilities when they obviously thought he wasn’t listening. Poe squeezed his shoulder, which Ben supposed was comforting. “I’m not a freak,” Ben added. “Really.”

”She’s just hard on herself," the bald youngling said. “Everyone says things they don’t mean.”

”You’re being too nice,” Jess said. 

”I’ve known her enough,” the bald youngling said. “I’m Tai, by the way. Sorry we had to meet like this.”

”Ben,” Ben said. A beat. “Why don’t you have any hair?”

”I was born with it. I don’t mind,” Tai said. 

”Sorry,” Ben said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

”I don’t mind,” Tai said.

They crossed back to the Academy, and Ben, despite his dread at facing his Uncle’s reproach later, couldn’t help but feel like he made a new friend. 


	3. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke tries to mediate between Ben and Voe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“So you’re saying,” Luke said evenly, “That a recess game got out of hand?”

Even as Voe and Ben sat in Luke’s office as a med droid tended to Voe’s scraped, bleeding knee, Ben couldn’t help but want to sink into the floor. “I didn’t mean it!” Ben said. 

”Did so!” Voe snapped. “You did it on purpose to make them laugh at me!”

”Did not!”

Luke sighed, almost like he was already getting tired. “Voe, I doubt Ben was trying to hurt you. His powers are...great, but he’s new to it all.”

"Just because he’s your nephew doesn’t mean he’s good!” Voe snapped. Ben winced, already hurt by her anger towards him — her hatred. 

”You misunderstand me, Voe,” Luke said calmly. “Ben is a kind boy; I doubt he’d intentionally hurt you.”

”He...” Voe didn’t finish her sentence. It was like she didn’t know how to explain it. Ben knew what she was going to say, though. _He has a monster inside him_. Just like his parents thought, sometimes. Maybe they were right. 

Luke continued. “Judging from your accounts of the situation, playing Jedi and Sith wasn’t the wisest choice. I already had a word with Zara about it. Your powers in general are unrefined and undeveloped, and accidents like this are, naturally, prone to happen.”

”I guess,” Voe said. She sounded wounded, somehow; Ben wished he knew why, wished he could understand the pain Voe was feeling, but he knew it was rude to peek. 

"I don’t have any penalty,” Luke said. “It’s clear that it was an accident, and you’re both younglings. Now, I’m certain that if Ben did this on purpose, we’d be having a different conversation. Owning up to when we do bad things is important, but it’s pointless to punish someone for an accident.”

”I guess,” Voe said again.

Luke smiled. "You’re excused, Voe. The best you can do is rest and let your knee heal.”

”Thank you,” Voe said. 

Once Voe was out of earshot, Ben looked at Luke anxiously. “Am I grounded?”

”Being grounded for an accident is disproportionate. On the other hand, you do need to remember how much training your powers require. It’s not that they’re dangerous. It’s that they require honing and refining. Just like any skill.”

”She called me a freak,” Ben said. 

“And that was uncalled for,” Luke said. “Of course, many say things they regret when they’re angry. Voe’s only six, same as you. She’ll get better. And...as cliché as it sounds, as much as she pushes herself too much for a child her age, she is a dear otherwise.”

”I guess,” Ben said. 

Luke smiled. “You have Poe, Jess and Tai,” he said. “They like you.”

”I just don’t wanna be a freak...”

”You aren’t,” Luke soothed. “I know it’s hard, Ben, but things are going to get better, and the Academy will be as home to you as Chandrila or the Falcon were.”

Ben supposed that would be true, soon enough. He just didn’t know when it would happen. If ever. 

***

It was later, when Ben was in his room long after he’d had a holocomm with his father (his mother apparently was held up in the Senate, though she’d promised to contact Ben via holomail), that there was a knock on the door. “Hey, Ben,” Poe said. “Can I come in?”

”Sure,” Ben said. 

The door opened, and Poe entered. “Tai and Jess are asleep,” he said. “I’m sorry about Voe. She really doesn’t mean to be mean — I think she was just hurt inside.”

”She called me a freak,” Ben said sullenly. 

“I don’t think you’re a freak.” Poe sat comfortably next to Ben on the bed. “I like you. I like you a lot. I think you’re smart and nice and you have nice hair...”

”Really?” Ben said. He had mixed feelings about his hair. Dad had said that his mother, Ben’s paternal grandma, had black hair too. Ben supposed it explained why he didn’t look like either of his parents — even though he wanted to. ”I...like you too, Poe.” He couldn’t help but just feel safe around Poe. Like the best friend he didn’t have. Mom and Dad had tried to help him in the making-friends department, but Ben felt more comfortable with his family. 

”Yeah. And you’re good with the Force. Like, really good.”

Ben giggled. “Not as good as you.”

”You could be one of the most powerful Jedi ever!”

”I hope,” Ben said. 

Poe smiled at him. “I think you will,” he said. “Can you...tell me about Chandrila?”

Ben nodded. “Well,” he said, “Mommy and Daddy took me to the oceans, when I was younger. I can’t remember all of it well, though...”


	4. Happy Naming Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben’s seventh Naming Day (birthday, as we call it on Earth) arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was thanks to the timing when Han and Leia had sent him away that Ben celebrated his seventh Naming Day at the Temple. Seven. It was his first Naming Day spent at the Jedi Temple, and he already missed his mom and dad. Uncle Lando too, for that matter, and Uncle Chewie. One of the benefits, he supposed, of being Ben Solo was that he had practically a huge extended family. His mom had said that if Grandpa Bail and Grandma Breha were still alive, they would have been happy to celebrate his Naming Day. Ben hoped, at least, that they would have liked him. 

It was when Ben was finishing breakfast — a special breakfast, at that, something that Uncle Luke had set up. Ben had been trying to introduce him to new dishes, including dishes from Yavin that Ben found himself liking — that he swore that he felt something. More specifically, a stir — like something landing, descending. It was enough to make him jump up from his chair in excitement and run towards the window. 

The _Millennium Falcon,_ as graceful as the bird of prey that was half the inspiration for her name, landed on the long grass outside the Enclave. Ben couldn’t help but feel a wide smile come across his face. His father...in Ben’s eyes, his father was practically a god, as much as his mother was in her way. His father, taller than him, skilled with a blaster shot...and yet had been nothing but a doting father. Someone who didn’t mind Ben following him around like a shadow — along with his “little bandit” nickname for Ben, he had also lightly called him “shadow”. It was all affectionate, maybe with a tinge of humor in there too. 

His father had tried to keep from crumbling when Mom decided Ben had to go away. Even remembering those moments where the cheerful, reassuring facade just cracked, it was like Han didn’t want Ben to go. 

But that didn’t matter. His father was here. For his Naming Day. Uncle Luke walked over towards him, and Poe, Tai and Jess hurried over with Ben. 

”Is that your papa?” Poe said. 

”Yeah!” Ben said. Even as he headed out with Poe, Tai and Jess and Uncle Luke, Uncle Luke leading them, he said, “My daddy’s ship is the fastest in all the galaxy. It beat the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs!”

Luke smiled indulgently. “If you round down, apparently...”

Ben shrugged. “Still counts.”

They reached the courtyard where the Falcon was, and Han Solo disembarked. Ben couldn’t help but feel like, in a way, he was in the presence of a god. A celebrity. A man who’d started out in a bad spot and become a hero. He looked a bit tired, but the smile that he got as Ben ran over to him overwhelmed his face. 

”Daddy!” Ben said. 

Han grinned and scooped him up. “Hey, little bandit,” he said. “I missed you. Happy Naming Day...and stars, I swear you sprouted since I’ve been away...”

Uncle Chewie disembarked next, ruffling Ben’s hair (Ben laughed, though he wished Uncle Chewie wouldn’t do that. At least Uncle Chewie wasn’t hugging him. He loved Uncle Chewie, but sometimes the Wookiee underestimated his own strength), and Uncle Lando walked out next, doing the same. “Good to be here,” Lando said. “Paperwork at Cloud City...word of advice, Ben, treasure being a kid as long as you can. It gets boring being an adult.”

”Boring?” Ben said, furrowing his brow. Han grinned, and, as he set Ben down, Uncle Chewie made his endearing chortling sound. 

“Yeah. It’s necessary, but...boring.” Lando squatted next to Jess and Poe. “You must be Ben’s buddies. I know Poe Dameron, but who are you, little miss?”

Jess spoke up. “I’m Jessika Pava. I go to the Academy with Ben and Poe. I’m gonna be the best Jedi ever, just like Master Skywalker!”

Luke laughed. “She flatters me.”

They headed in, and Ben said, “Where’s Mom?”

”She’s on her way,” Han said. “She found a loophole in the Senate...bantha poodoo that allowed her to get out of there.”

”Go, Mom!” Ben exclaimed. 

Han laughed. “Why do you think I married her?”

***

Ben was glad that the celebration was relatively low-key, in the end. He was painfully aware that some of the other students thought that he was a spoiled brat thanks to being Luke’s nephew. It was ridiculous, of course; Ben got the same training as everyone else, and Uncle Luke was too nice to play favorites. It didn’t stop the others, though, such as Voe, from thinking it. 

Ben was sensitive to others’ thoughts. He couldn’t say where he got it, though the voice in his mind had taught him how to “perfect” that ability when he was younger. People said he was a prodigy — Ben didn’t know what it meant, but he was sick of hearing it, he knew that much. He wished, sometimes, he could just be Ben, without any high expectations. 

Mom came in, clearly exhausted from her journey, but smiling when she saw Ben, and when Ben hugged her. She was introduced to Jess and Poe as well, and they had cake after singing the familiar Naming Day song. 

And then, after conversation, including Dad regaling the others with a tale of a near-scrape on Manaan, they opened presents. More “youngling friendly” versions of the Jedi texts from Uncle Luke, an art set from Mom, a toy freighter from Dad as well as a stuffed kath hound, Bespin chocolates from Uncle Lando (“Just don’t get sick, kid,” Lando said good-naturedly), a book on planets from Jess, and from Poe...well, they were a series of things in a box: first there was a toy X-wing. Then there was a silver lightsaber crystal...silver, like moonlight. And then there was a toy A-wing. And another box that Luke helped haul out. 

”I love them,” Ben said, grinning. 

Poe grinned back. “I built the last one myself.”

Luke opened the box, revealing a white and gold BB-unit, who wheeled out, beeping curiously. 

”You...made this for me?” Ben said in amazement. 

Poe nodded. ”She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

”She is! Thank you!” Ben grinned at Poe, and the BB unit beeped cheerfully. Then Ben said, “What’s her number?”

”BB-7,” Poe said, matter-of-factly. “Because you’re seven.”

Ben didn’t know how he was so lucky, in that moment, to have friends and family who cared about him — let alone someone like Poe. And later, after the night wound down and Luke helped Ben put his gifts away, Luke said, “I’m happy for you, having a friend like Poe. He’s a good kid.”

”Yeah,” Ben said. He patted BB-7’s dome, causing the droid to beep cheerfully. “I like him.”


	5. The Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a near-miss with an odd structure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Poe turned ten not long after Ben turned seven (he had been born in a later month despite being older than Ben). Ben would have been lying if he said he wasn’t at least a bit anxious about that fact. Poe would, soon enough, be officially a Big Kid; he was nearly eleven, after all. What if Poe, soon enough, thought that he was “too good” for Ben, too cool for him? Even as Poe, Tai (who had given Ben a belated token from his homeworld, the rebuilt Quelli), Jess and Ben lay in their sleeping bags, Ben couldn’t help but notice that Jess and Tai were out like lights — Jess was snuggling her stuffed bantha, Mr. Horns, Tai was snoring, and Ben and Poe were awake. Ben supposed that he should have been able to sleep, but even as BB-7 and BB-8 (a droid Ben had built for Poe for his Naming Day) lingered in low power mode, Ben found he couldn’t relax. 

_He’ll abandon you, young Solo_ , the voice in his mind rumbled. _You’re certainly nothing and no one extraordinary_. _A lesser son of greater heroes._

Ben said nothing. How could he, after all? There was no way that he could refute the voice without looking strange. 

”Ben?” Poe said, softly. “Are you okay?”

Ben turned over on his side to face Poe. Somehow, even looking at Poe closely, he couldn’t help but feel reassured. The way that Poe looked concerned, worried...somehow, Ben thought, the idea of Poe abandoning him didn’t carry that much weight now. 

”Yeah,” he said. “Just can’t sleep.”

”You always have that?”

”Yeah.” Ben couldn’t help but feel jealous, at least a little, of how easy Jess and Tai were sleeping, of how easy Poe slept at times. “Jedi shouldn’t have sleep problems, though.”

”Everyone does.” Poe said. “My mama used to sing to me when I was little so I could sleep. Maybe I could help?”

”Okay.” Then, “Poe...are we still gonna be friends?”

”Sure!” Poe sounded surprised even as he spoke. “Best friends. Forever.”

Ben supposed it was foolish then, to think of Poe as being fickle enough to go ahead and find “better” friends. Why would he? After all, Poe was fiercely loyal to his friends, to those who he cared about deeply. 

“Why were you worried?” Poe said. 

Ben shrugged. “You’re getting older...”

”Doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends,” Poe said. “Maybe I could be your teacher!”

The mental image of Poe trying to act like a Jedi Master was admittedly a bit strange to think about, especially looking at the short ten-year-old, but it made Ben smile all the same. “Yeah,” he said. “I’d like that.” He sighed, turned over on his back. “People keep saying I’m the most powerful Jedi ever. I wish I could just be ‘Ben’.” A beat. “Sorry I’m, um, ruining your sleepover.”

”You’re not,” Poe said. Then, “You’re ‘just Ben’ to me.”

Ben turned over on his side and smiled. “I guess,” he said. 

***

Ben was undeniably tired in the morning. He remembered one of his old droid babysitters (who had also gone haywire with nearly lethal consequences) had given him caf, at times, and though Uncle Luke had made it clear that he was too young to have it (another thing that sucked about being a kid, Ben thought. Everyone thought you were “too young” for things), Poe, Jess and Tai did their best to help him. 

”I heard drinking water helps keep you awake,” Jess piped in, and Poe nodded. Ben wouldn’t deny that he was feeling a bit more awake after having water. Maybe there were some sort of magic properties in there that helped little boys with sleep problems. 

Ben still, admittedly, felt at least a bit bad, a bit uncool even, for ruining Poe’s sleepover with his problems. Poe assured him he didn’t, but it didn’t stop Ben from feeling that way at least a little bit. 

It was later that Ben was trying to stay awake during a truly boring lecture on the values of patience (if Ben was older, he probably would have appreciated the irony) when he swore that he felt a tugging at the back of his mind. It wasn’t anything tangible; there was something powerful about the place calling him even as Luke talked, Lor San Tekka looking like he couldn’t wait to go off on his next expedition.   
  
Ben couldn’t describe that feeling that he got even as he got up, headed towards the path where the power was already tugging at him. It was almost like he was in a dream, or a trance. Hadn’t he seen something like that in a holo? Someone shooting someone else with a mind control blaster, and they followed. 

The path was clear, peaceful-looking, almost shaven of anything resembling plant-life. Peaceful-looking, but Ben couldn’t help but also feel uneasy. Looking up at the sturdy, blocky structure that was obviously some sort of tomb, Ben couldn’t help but feel quite small. 

“Ben!” 

Poe’s voice. Ben turned around, and it was in that moment that Ben felt, suddenly, snapped out of what he just saw. Like snapping out of a trance. It had felt right to go there. Like Ben was, somehow, meant to investigate. 

”Where were you?” Poe said. “What happened?”

”There was something in there,” Ben said. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Something I was supposed to see.”

”It’s okay,” Poe said. “Master Skywalker’s gonna handle it. He always has.”

They had to head back, of course, Jess joining them and saying that they had to _come on,_ that they were gonna be _late_. Ben was relieved, at least. He had a feeling, at least, that whatever was in that tomb wasn’t at all friendly. 


	6. Orange Is A Good Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben turns eight and Poe eleven, and Poe builds his first lightsaber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Just to clarify, nothing shippy happens between Ben and Poe until much later in the story. For now, you can interpret Ben here as having a bit of a crush on Poe.

Uncle Luke said that there was nothing in the tomb when he investigated. Ben couldn’t help but feel, in that moment, like his uncle was lying — it wasn’t anything concrete this time; it was just an uneasy feeling that somehow, his uncle was hiding something from Ben. Ben didn’t know why, if he was to be perfectly honest. After all, he was a Big Kid; he couldn’t say why Uncle Luke felt like he needed to hide things from him. Did anything grown-ups did make any sense, Ben thought. He wished it did. 

It was later, after Uncle Luke had left and Ben was in his room, BB-7 keeping guard and Ben cuddling his tooka doll, that Ben didn’t understand. That tomb — it had been calling to him, even though it didn’t feel good. Uncle Luke had told him about the cave on Dagobah, how it had scared him too when he was a younger man.

Ben could only hope that when he was old enough, he could be as strong and brave as his uncle was then, and still was. 

***

It was as Ben turned eight and Poe turned eleven that Ben started to realize that Poe was indeed a Big Kid. It should have struck Ben as obvious, of course; Poe was three years older than him, and even that seemingly small age difference seemed huge in some places. And yet, he wondered — was it weird to be tagging along after Poe? Spending time with him?

Voe at least seemed to think it was weird, and made some derisive comments about Ben “following Dameron around like a lost kath hound puppy”. Ben supposed he shouldn’t care what Voe thought, but he couldn’t say, at eight years old, that he liked having enemies. Rivals, as Uncle Luke would put it. Yeah, that was better. It wasn’t like Voe was trying to kill him on the battlefield. Ben just wished that she didn’t hate him. Hurting her had been an accident, it really was. 

It was after one class that Poe showed Ben the lightsaber he’d made. “You better stand back,” he said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Ben nodded. Once he was far enough away from Poe, Poe ignited his lightsaber — Ben could only watch in awe as the brilliant orange blade, radiant as a sunrise, came into view. 

”Wow!” he said. “It’s really pretty.” Then, “I thought we only had to use three crystal colors?”

Poe deactivated his lightsaber and turned to Ben, smiling. “You can modify it. It’s not cheating. I’m a Consular, but I wanted my blade to be unique...not like your uncle’s.” A beat. “Plus, I like orange. It’s a good color.”

Ben grinned. “I like it too!” He didn’t really think much of an orange lightsaber before, but somehow, Ben thought, it worked. Poe was a genius. Somehow, he wanted to be like Poe, even if that ideal was out of reach. 

”Thanks!” Poe took a deep breath. “Zorii thinks it’s a bit dorky.” Zorii was one of the new recruits, around Poe’s age, that Uncle Luke had rescued from the streets on Kijimi. She and Poe didn’t seem to like each other much. 

”I think she’s wrong,” Ben said. “I think it’s pretty.”

”Well, thanks. It’s not a big deal, really. Zorii’s...Zorii. I think it’s just me she doesn’t like...”

”Who wouldn’t like you?” Ben said incredulously. 

Poe chuckled. “It happens.”

He sat comfortably next to Ben in that moment. "When you’re older, you get your own lightsaber,” he said. “And I bet you’ll be amazing.”

And sitting next to him, Ben could believe it too. 


	7. Trias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey’s family enters the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was when Ben was ten years old that three new people came into the midst of the Academy. Luke described it to him the best he could.

”The Empire’s remnants are still out there,” Luke said, even as he squatted down beside Ben. “Just because they were defeated at Jakku doesn’t mean that they’re gone for good. Evil is a sentient construct, an abstract, so it shapeshifts over the years, Ben.”

”I guess.” Even the idea of someone, of something, as evil as the Empire’s soldiers still being out there...it chilled Ben to the bone. “Are you gonna be okay, Uncle?”

Luke nodded. “I doubt our defector’s going to turn around and betray us. And if he does, I daresay he underestimates me.”

”Okay.” Ben couldn’t help but be nervous, nonetheless. 

***

Ben watched from a distance through transparisteel windows later, when Uncle Luke brought the defector in. 

Ben couldn’t help but observe the newcomer, at least from a distance. He couldn’t help but be scared in that moment — a former Dark Jedi, here? He didn’t look menacing, Ben would say that much; he looked like anyone else would. He looked like someone Ben would have met on Chandrila, actually. A woman, someone Ben presumed was the wife that Uncle Luke had mentioned, walked by him — her belly rounded. She was pregnant, Ben knew that much. Who would have a child with that man, Ben had no idea.

”He doesn’t look like a Dark Jedi,” Jess said, beside him, Poe and Tai. “He looks so...ordinary.”

”Well, of course!” Poe exclaimed. “You don’t sense it, do you? He’s scared!”

”What could he have to be scared of?” Ben said. 

”His father,” Tai said. “It’s not himself he’s worried about. It’s his family.”

Ben exhaled, startled at the very idea Tai brought up. He was probably scared, if that was the case. And that idea...was this former Dark Jedi no different, in the end, from Ben’s father?

***  
  
It was later that Ben and his friends met the former Dark Jedi. Trias, his name was. Even his demeanor was soft-spoken, Ben thought; whoever this former Dark Jedi’s father was, he must have been a monster. 

”My students,” Luke said. “Ben, over there...he’s my nephew.”

”Hi,” Ben said, tentatively. He looked at Trias, who was squatting next to Ben — Ben didn’t know why grown-ups did that sometimes, but at least it made him feel better, more at ease. 

Trias smiled, if hesitantly. “Hello.” Then, a slight furrow between his brows, a slight frown. It wasn’t like he was angry, more...confused? It was like he sensed something. Then, “The Balance...there’s something of the Balance about you...”

”What do you mean?” Ben said. Somehow, he thought, he could not help but be afraid.

“Trias,” Luke said, gently. “You’re scaring Ben.”

”My apologies,” Trias said. 

It didn’t shake Ben’s uneasy feeling even later, when he’d gone up to bed. Even asking Uncle Luke about it before going up to bed hadn’t helped matters. Uncle Luke had said that it was irrelevant, that Trias was on the “odd” side, things like that. Somehow, Ben couldn’t get rid of the idea that Uncle Luke was hiding something. He’d heard of the Chosen One prophecy his grandfather had apparently fulfilled; was Trias referring to that? Did he somehow think Ben was some new Chosen One?

Ben doubted it. He wasn’t really anything special, in the end. Even if, somehow, this former Dark Jedi thought he was. 


	8. And There Was Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get complicated in the Enclave. A bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I apologize in advance for including Poe/Zorii in a Darkpilot fic. I *promise* later in the story that Darkpilot is very much endgame.

Trias got settled in, along with Nerys. Ben supposed it would be fine as long as he didn’t have to interact much with Trias. It was mean to think that, but Trias was just...strange. And Ben was admittedly confused; what did Trias mean by the Balance? What if it was bad?

At least Poe was working in the library for Uncle Luke now. That could at least somewhat help. It was one day when Uncle Luke was mercifully training Trias that Poe helped him out with the texts. 

”They’re pretty heavy,” Poe said, even as he pulled one down — Ben was almost worried as to how Poe could do it, considering how short he seemed. “I think we got it, though. Okay...” He flipped open a page of the book to its appropriate spot. “Apparently the Balance is a state of the Light Side and the Dark Side coexisting in one individual. I’m not even talking about the matter of choice, really. I’m talking about the potential for both sides of the Force existing in one being. It’s apparently rare, though — there was the former Sith Lord Darth Revan, but he died long ago.” A snort. “Though I don’t buy the idea that his spirit split into two different halves or whatever. That’s not how the Force works.”

"I don’t want to go Dark, though,” Ben said. 

”You won’t,” Poe said. “You’re a tough kid.”

Ben grinned despite himself. Somehow, he thought, he just liked Poe saying that. 

Zorii came in later. “Hey, Space Guy,” she said. “Does Master Skywalker know that you’re tearing apart the shelves while he’s gone?”

”And the magnificent Zorii Bliss makes her appearance,” Poe said. Even as he put away the text, he said, “Is that a new hairstyle? It looks good...”

Zorii sighed. “You think you’re gonna get me to like you?"

”Zorii, go to the lakes with me sometime,” Poe said. “Give me a chance.” 

”Not in a century, Dameron,” Zorii said. “I was just looking for a book on upgrading lightsabers.”

Somehow, Ben wondered if that was the whole story. Then again, he thought, ever since Poe had made an accidentally insensitive comment to her (of course, it wasn’t Poe’s fault; he swore anything could set Zorii off), she’d hated him.   
  
It was after Poe gave her the book and she set off that Poe shrugged. “You know, she’s not really that bad. Just a bit crusty.”

Ben didn’t know if he agreed. 

***

Zorii was more Poe’s age, Ben knew that, and now that Poe was thirteen (the “terrible teens”, as Kes Dameron jokingly called them), Ben knew that of course he was going to get a bit into the “mushy gushy” stuff. It didn’t mean that Ben didn’t feel jealous. At least a little bit. Ben was only ten years old, but he knew that there was something going on between Poe and Zorii. Besides, Zorii was accomplished, cool — Ben was, meanwhile, just a kid. Poe probably saw him as more of the adorable-kid-brother, even though for reasons Ben couldn’t pinpoint, he wasn’t happy with that. 

That was what sucked about being a kid. Other stuff was great, but people didn’t take you seriously as a kid. It was like they thought you were stupid and fragile and squishy, and Ben couldn’t help but envy the people who weren’t. 

***

It was Tai that Ben told about his worries. Poe didn’t hang out with them that often anymore, considering he was Padawan-age and Ben, Tai and Jess were younglings, but Tai was good to talk to on days where Poe was working in the archives. Besides, as good a confidant as Poe was, there were things Ben couldn’t tell him, this being one of them. 

”You okay?” Tai said. 

Ben nodded. “I don’t like Zorii,” he said. That was the best he could come up with. 

”She had a tough life on Kijimi,” Tai said. Of course Tai would say that. Ben doubted Tai had a bad thing to say about anyone. 

”Yeah, but she’s so mean to him, and he keeps trying to impress her! I don’t get why he’d try to impress her if she hates him.”

A shrug from Tai. “I’m sure he has...reasons for it,” he said. _Reasons_. Probably Tai’s way of saying that Poe was an idiot, but he wasn’t going to judge him. Too much. 

”I guess,” Ben said. Did anyone really get this whole mushy-gushy stuff? Ben didn’t know if he wanted to get into it if it meant acting stupid.

”I’m sure you’ll still be the best of friends with him,” Tai said. 

Ben supposed. He wished he knew, really, why that very idea didn’t completely make him happy.


	9. Dark Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben and Trias gain a better understanding of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Warning for past mentions of Palpatine being an abusive asshole.

Ben supposed that he shouldn’t have had that talk with Poe in the first place, about the matter of Balance. The nightmare that involved Ben splitting into two versions of himself — the Light Side and the Dark. The way the Dark Side doppelgänger of him had laughed, laughed almost madly —

— and then Ben shot awake in bed, in that moment, looking around wildly and trying to regain himself, hearing his Dark Side doppelgänger’s laughter fading into more maniacal laughter, almost an old man’s cackle. BB-7 beeped frantically in that moment, a shrill series of warnings that reminded Ben of a proximity alarm.

It was as BB-7 was beeping frantically that there was a knock on the door, and Luke’s voice. “Ben, it’s us. It’s okay. Can we come in?”

”Yeah,” Ben said. 

The door opened, and Luke and Poe entered, both looking tousle-haired, like they had gotten out of a swimming pool or something along those lines. 

“Are you okay?” Poe said. 

”It’s the Bad Me,” Ben said. “He’s coming to get me, Poe.”

”I know, I’m sorry,” Poe said softly. “Must have been that...darn book. Your brain just probably latched onto the ‘balance’ part and made up a story that scared you.”

”I guess.” Dad had told Ben that sometimes dreams were the brain’s way of “dumping the garbage”, that not everything had to be a premonition of doom. It didn’t stop Ben from feeling like he was actually having a vision.

”I’m sorry I gave you a nightmare,” Poe said. “Really.”

”Not your fault,” Ben said. “I mean, you didn’t do it on purpose.”

”Still.” Poe sat down across from Ben. “Nightmares are pretty terrible. There’s no other way around it.”

Luke nodded. “Maybe,” he said, “We can put a night light in your room?”

Ben grimaced. “I’m nearly eleven.”

”Still,” Luke said. “It might help. And night lights aren’t just for younger kids. Plus...you’re still little, Ben.”

Ben sighed. Would Uncle Luke keep thinking about Ben as a little kid even when Ben was say, seventeen? It had to stop somewhere. It wasn’t like Ben had an unhappy childhood (even if he did miss his parents on occasion), but he did wish that people didn’t just treat him like “the kid”. Maybe the preteen and teenage years would be better. Ben didn’t know. 

“Okay,” he said. 

It was early morning, so he could head to breakfast and Tai and Jess could comfort him over what was going on. Ben tried to ignore Poe trying to get Zorii’s attention; as much as he looked up to Poe, he couldn’t help but wonder if teenagers just got stupid when they got older. 

***

It was after breakfast that Luke spoke with Ben. “I don’t know how to put this, Ben, but the Academy’s getting bigger,” he said. “I need Masters for the Academy. I can’t teach you myself; I fear that I wouldn’t be able to be objective in that regard. So...I was thinking Trias could teach you.”

Ben pressed his lips together. “He’s weird,” he said. “I don’t like him.” Even remembering what Trias had said about the “Balance” in him...Ben already felt a spike of unease working with a man who seemed to see the worst of him. 

”He’s not so bad when you get to know him,” Luke said. “A bit odd, but he’s a good man. Kind.”

”I hope so,” Ben said softly. 

Luke squeezed Ben’s shoulder. “He can help you,” he said. “After all, considering his initial closeness to the Dark Side of the Force, isn’t the man who knows the most about it the most equipped to fight it?”

Ben couldn’t say that made sense at all. Then again, grown-ups usually made sense in the end. Didn’t they? 

***

Even as Ben stepped into the training room, he couldn’t help but feel like the room itself was too big for him. And Trias...could he be trusted? Ben was used to stories about Dark Jedi being cruel and deceitful. Trias didn’t look like that, but what if...

Then again, if Uncle Luke trusted him, who was to say that Ben couldn’t. 

”You look tired,” Trias said. “Is all well?”

”It is,” Ben said. It wasn’t really a lie. Lies were okay, he knew, if you had to protect yourself or help people. He was doing both in that moment. “Uncle Luke says you’re gonna teach me?”

”I am,” Trias said. “You are strong. I cannot see as my father does, but you have unlimited potential. You just need to learn to harness it.” A beat. “I should apologize for my comment when I first met you. Even though it was truthful...it was the wrong way to put it.”

Ben nodded, skeptically. “Is the Balance good or bad?” he said. 

”Good, of course.” Trias sounded surprised. “You think I would insult you?”

Luke spoke up. “Ben’s mother has been...nervous about such things in the past,” he said. “After her experiences with Lord Vader, it’s a trigger for her, you could say.”

”I find it doubtful that this child could become like Vader,” Trias said. “I doubt one could strike fear into the heart of the galaxy dressing a youngling in Vader’s suit.”

Ben tried to picture it. He failed miserably. 

Trias continued. “I was admittedly doubtful of the Jedi. Now that I’ve looked a bit into their teachings...there are teachings that are undeniably flawed, but the rest of it, compassion and forgiveness and charity, is far from bad. The core is solid, at least.”

”I think I’ll have to agree with you,” Luke said. 

”I’m glad, then,” Trias said. “My...education gave me a very skewed version of the Jedi. Besides the fact my father was not a man who believed in charity...”

He trailed off. Ben had a feeling that it wasn’t all he had to say. It was after their initial practice, which was mostly Trias testing Ben’s knowledge of the basics (and Trias saying that he knew Ben was gifted...it felt nice, Ben wasn’t going to deny), that Ben got to ask questions. 

“Sir?” Ben said. 

”Call me Trias. We are equals here.”

Ben nodded. “Why did you leave the Sith, come here?”

Trias hesitated. Then, “I suppose that to tell you the whole truth requires context.” He sighed. “I was born on Exegol. Well, not so much born as made. There was a scientist who sought to resurrect the Emperor, and went through various experiments to do so. I was one of them.”

”You’re...a clone?” Ben said. “Of the Emperor?” He stared at Trias for quite some time. “But you don’t look like him...”

”You’re kind,” Trias said. “But really, Ben...he wasn’t born looking like the man who went on to terrorize the galaxy. He was injured such. My...father of sorts told me. He wasn’t the original Emperor, but he had the Emperor’s memories, and he gloated about being the one who bested Mace Windu in combat.” A pause. “The scientist who created me was the closest to show me kindness on Exegol, where I was made. Her family had been Imperial supporters, and I wondered at times if they had been taken in by the Emperor’s promises of prosperity. If they had been promised paradise, and been lied to thus.” Trias sighed. “My upbringing on Exegol was far from kind. Nerys came from Jakku, where she was a scavenger...one could say that neither one of us came from kind upbringings.”

Far from kind. Ben knew that was an understatement. Even as he listened, he could all but hear the voice of a teenage boy, Trias, apologizing for failing his father — only to be hit with Force Lightning again and again. 

“Why?” Ben said. He couldn’t picture Mom or Dad ever doing something like that to him. 

”He justified it as part of my training,” Trias said, evenly. Ben had a feeling that he was being as calm as he was to avoid crumbling. “The Sith are not kind to their apprentices. From Darth Malak to Darth Vader himself, the Sith have always used cruelty to shape their apprentices into that which they think is strength. There were times I wondered, though my father denied it, if someone had done the same to him. If that had been why he killed his master...before going on to do the same to others.”

”I’d stay out of your father’s head,” Luke said, “If I were you. It’ll cause you more trouble than it’s worth.”

”Nonetheless,” Trias said, “I can feel pity for him, regarding what may have happened to him...though I am glad I left when I did. He would have put Nerys and our unborn daughter through the same pain. I only wish...” He sighed. “I was far from the only clone. Palpatine had one commissioned himself, a Milaran clone named Snoke. I regret not being able to convince him to come with me, to be free of my father.”

Ben bit his lip. It was something he couldn’t understand, how someone could be so horrifyingly abused and somehow still feel pity for their abuser. Not to mention regretting he couldn’t save this Snoke. 

”I thought you were mean,” he said. “I know you’re not. I’m sorry.”

Trias smiled faintly. “You’re a youngling,” he said. “In a way, though young Voe doesn’t trust me, I know she’s just a youngling herself. I didn’t expect everyone to instantly accept me when I came here.”

”But it’s not fair!” Ben said. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re still getting judged!” A beat. “Maybe I could be your friend,” he said. “I mean, everyone needs a friend...”

Trias laughed. It wasn’t a mean laugh, though; it was more like he found Ben’s suggestion adorable. “Ben,” he said, “Just focus on being the Jedi I know you can be. The rest, including us being friends...that will fall into place.”

Ben hoped so. He’d misunderstood Trias at first. He hoped he could make it better, if at all possible. 


	10. A Bigger Family, A Bigger Galaxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: I seriously don’t have an excuse for the late update, and I’m sorry.

It was after his meeting with Trias that Ben met with Poe, and he could tell that the older teenager was already exhausted from his work at the archives. 

”How was Trias?” Poe said. 

”I understand him better,” Ben said. 

”Well, good. Most people aren’t bad. Or droids or aliens, if you want to be more inclusive.” Poe brushed black hair out of his eyes and sighed. “My mother said, a lot of times, that the galaxy was fundamentally a good place, full of good beings. Stars, you would have loved her. She was fearless...”

”Uncle Luke said that,” Ben said. “I think the galaxy’s a good place too. Maybe a bit scary sometimes...”

Poe turned to look at him. “What makes you think that? You’re too young to think the galaxy’s scary.”

”Sometimes I hear it.” There was no way around it, Ben supposed. It was there, in his nightmares, in his head. “Like people are screaming in the dark...”

“Hey,” Poe soothed. “It’s okay. It’s no surprise you feel it considering you’re one of the most powerful Jedi at the Academy.”

”I guess,” Ben said. Already, he was getting sick of the whole prospect of being one of the most powerful Jedi at the Academy. He didn’t feel it, he knew that much. He just knew that there was something blocking him off, walling him off, from people — something that Ben couldn’t pinpoint, but he knew was there. 

”You are. Wanna know a secret?” Poe said. “You’ll show everyone who ever doubted you.”

Ben smiled faintly. It was nice to know that Poe believed in him, at least. He could only hope he wasn’t going to disappoint Poe. He doubted he could bear that, really. 

***

It was later in the year that Nerys, Trias’ wife, actually gave birth to her daughter — Ben remembered it because Uncle Luke and Trias had to leave him with Poe to babysit while they checked up on Nerys. Ben could still feel Nerys’ agony through the Force, and he doubted he could imagine pushing a whole lifeform out of your body. Nerys...she was brave. Incredibly so. Ben wouldn’t deny it. He doubted he wanted to have babies with someone else, if it meant pain. Maybe he’d have a clone baby instead, like they did on Kamino. 

”Is she gonna die?” Ben said, worried. 

“No,” Poe said, though Ben could tell he was concerned too. 

Eventually, the baby did enter the picture, and Ben realized: she was all but brimming with Force potential. And when Nerys emerged, a bundle that Ben knew was the new baby in her arms, she looked exhausted, but terribly, radiantly happy. 

”You did scare me a moment, Nerys,” Trias said as he walked beside her. 

Nerys smiled. “Trias,” she said, “Love — it’s expected. I don’t think our little daughter wanted to come out.”

Trias nodded. Ben could already feel it from him, the mixture of joy, and terror — what kind of father would he be, he was wondering, and would their daughter be anything like her grandfather? 

”I suppose,” Trias said. He smoothed a dark curl out of his daughter’s face as the baby stirred. The baby blinked up at him, and that soft, gentle smile Trias had — it reminded Ben too much of the way Han would look at him at times. Like he would kill the galaxy to keep his child safe. 

”Hello there,” Trias said, softly. “You had quite the exhausting journey, didn’t you, little heroine? Getting from here to here.”

The baby yawned. She’d had her meal of breastmilk, Ben knew, been swaddled — now she was just tired.

Trias looked at Ben. “I’ll have to find a way to balance taking care of her and teaching you,” he said. 

”We’re in this together,” Nerys cut in. “It’s not like you’re on your own.”

Trias nodded. “That’s true.” He smiled. “That’s my fearless warrior — even willing to go to bat for our child.”

Nerys laughed softly. “She’s a gift,” she said. Then, “Trias...you could always change your family name. You don’t have to be tied to the beast that made you, and neither should she.”

”I’m not complaining,” Ben said, “I mean...I wouldn’t mind. You having a family.”

”Our families are actually closer than you think, Ben,” Trias said. “It’s...not a happy story. Not in its entirety. Your grandfather’s conception was not a happy event, considering who his father was. But in the most technical of ways, as a result, the Palpatine and Skywalker bloodlines are linked. One could say one spawned the other.”

”So I’m a Palpatine?” Ben said. Somehow, the idea of being related to a monster...

”You’re a mix,” Trias said. “There’s some of him in your bloodline, some of the Force’s design, some of the Skywalker blood, some of the Solo blood. And if we were all defined by our bloodline, would your father have gotten very far? Or Nerys, for that matter? It’s not your bloodline that defines you, but your character and the decisions you make.”

”Maybe. Wait...” Even putting two and two together, Ben said, “Are you saying you’re my...uncle’s uncle? And Nerys is my uncle’s aunt?”

”Technically,” Trias said, “The term is great-uncle. But...I suppose you can call me Uncle. Just for simplicity’s sake.” A faint smile. “I don’t think you’d want to say ‘great-uncle’ over and over.”

”Uncle Trias?” Ben said. “I like that.”

***

It was even as Uncle Luke tucked him into bed that he said, “It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”

Ben nodded. Then, “I don’t like that Palpatine’s my great-granddad. But...if Trias can be related to Palpatine and be nice, maybe it’s not all bad.”

”Well put,” Luke said. 

”Uncle Luke...who was my grandfather?”

Luke looked distant, almost wistful. “A flawed man, but a heroic one. He believed deeply in helping others, he was deeply protective of those he loved, he was brave and skilled and strong...and he would do anything to preserve those he loved, for good and for ill. He had his flaws. But the good he did can’t be forgotten.”

”I wish I could have met him,” Ben said. 

Luke smiled. “I’m sure he would have thought the galaxy of you. Good night, Ben.”

He shut off the lights, leaving Ben to consider the idea that his already big family had gotten bigger. 


	11. In a Nightmare, In a Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years pass, Ben builds his own lightsaber, and his feelings for Poe get stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Four years passed. Ben turned fourteen, and he felt like he was somewhat catching up to Poe, though he still felt terribly behind in all of this. Poe, who seemed to be so confident, so cool, and Ben was terribly awkward and unsure, following in his wake.

He tried, at least, to be like Poe. Very much so, actually. In terms of mechanics, droid work, lightsaber practice...it was a losing battle, of course, but he would do anything to be like Poe. 

At least when he got to building his own lightsaber, he could say that he was somewhat like Poe. Somewhat. He had to work on the “coolness” factor a bit. 

”You don’t have to impress him,” Tai once said about Ben regarding Poe. And yet Ben felt like he had to. He knew he wanted to, at least. 

***

It was putting his lightsaber design (which included the crystal Poe had given him, as well as the crossguards that just seemed right somehow) into practice that Ben, for a moment, swore that his vision changed in front of him — a black glove replacing his own bare hand, the barely finished lightsaber in front of him changing into an ignited red lightsaber...

Ben staggered away, feeling for a moment like he had been burned, even as Trias looked at him in worry. “Ben?” he said. “Are you okay?”

Even Voe — she looked a bit worried, though part of that, Ben thought, was possibly for herself. Like she was worried that Ben would snap and hurt her. 

Why Voe would think that, Ben had no idea. 

Ben looked at Trias, nodded. “Just...didn’t sleep well. That’s all.”

Yeah. He could say that. He could ignore the fact that he’d had some sort of hallucination, some sort of vision. He could pass it off as nervousness amidst the excitement of building his own lightsaber. That was all. 

”That’s perfectly all right,” Trias said. “Although I do encourage you to get some sleep tonight, Ben.” A beat. “I’d best check on Voe.”

It was impressive, Ben thought, how Voe seemed so relaxed around Trias now. Ben supposed he could see how Voe could be kind, underneath her crustiness; she seemed to be more relaxed around Trias. Maybe Trias just had a skill, Ben thought, just in being kind to people. Just in seeing the best in them.

”It’s quite unique,” Trias said. "Beautiful.”

Ben couldn’t say what was going on with Voe, but he supposed that with Trias, it was something of an accomplishment. 

***

He didn’t tell Poe about his momentary hallucination, of course. He wasn’t about to. Poe would somehow think less of him if he knew the truth. He did talk about Trias and Voe, and Poe smiled. “It’s good that he’s helping her,” he said. “He’s not that bad, for a former Dark Jedi.” A beat. “Is it the right time to call him Space Dad?”

Ben shrugged. “He’s technically a dad.” Occasionally, Nerys brought Rey (her and Trias’ daughter) over to train with and play with Ben. Ben and Rey, needless to say, got on well. Rey was a sweet kid, and with her potential in the Force, she was probably going to be amazing when she got older. 

”Yeah. Then again, if Luke’s the Academy Dad, is Trias like our cool uncle? I know he’s technically yours...”

Ben snorted. “You’ve been on Holotropes too long.”

Poe laughed. “Guilty.” Then, “I’ve missed spending time with you, Ben. I really have.”

”Yeah.” Somehow, Ben thought, he himself wasn’t telling the whole story. “Same here.”

***

At fourteen, Ben liked to daydream. Quite a bit. Even as he lay in bed, BB-7 keeping guard as usual, he couldn’t help but think about him and Poe, having a race through the skies above the Academy. A hint of friendly competition, a hint of flirtation. 

Not that Poe really knew how he felt. Poe had no idea of his own wonderfulness, his own brilliance. And he likely just saw Ben as a friend. No more, no less. 

Still, Ben could pretend. And in his pretendings, at least, he could make things whatever he wanted to be. 


End file.
